I know I'll most likely get a lot of comments to this post that I'm not going to like. But I'm going to post it anyway.
Ben brought it to my attention that his dad thinks that my relationship with Dave is odd. He also thinks that because I'm engaged I shouldn't be hanging out with Dave. He also thinks that I talk about Dave to much. And he thinks that I am cheating on his son with Dave.
My reponse to this is, hurt. You know I'm going to be completly honest. I like Dave, a lot. He is a great friend. And if I wasn't with Ben and Dave wasn't with Tiff (his fiance) I probably would date him. I even went through like a week period where I even had a crush on Dave. But it was also when Ben and I were going through a really stressful time because I'm living in Devils Lake and hes living in Grand Forks. But I can tell you one thing with absolute certainty, I love Ben. I respect Ben enough that I would never cheat on him. I respect his parents enough that I would not have sex with someone other than their son and then come home and live in their house. I respect Dave enough that I would not try and screw up his relationship with tiff for some 10 min romp in the hay. I respect my relationship with Ben enough to not jepordize it for a 10 min romp in the hay. I believe that I am a good enough person that when the chips were down I would not cheat. I love Ben. I may go though my ranting lunatic thoughts that give me a form of cold feet that will make me freak out to no end and no tommorrow but I would not cheat on Ben. Getting married is a very big decision, planning a wedding is very stressful, the thought of spending my whole life with someone is scarey, the notion of someone not trusting me however, scares the shit out of me. Since I have never done anything that could be constituted as cheating I expect to be trusted.
At the prospect of getting married who hasn't had some sort of doubting thought. Who hasn't had the thought "oh my god, do I really want to spend the rest of my life with them?" who hasn't thought (espeacially with my limited experience with relationships and my age) "what the Fuck am I doing?" And people may even have thoughts about what it would be like to be with someone else. And I think that its completely normal. It's called being HUMAN and I can't imagin living any other way. I have a personality type that doubts everything. I second guess myself more than I probably should. But that second guessing at least means that I care enough to bother thinking about it. Plus, I may be sorry for some thoughts that have come through the crazy disaster that is my brain. But I'm human just like everybody else. And just because you've had thoughts does not mean that you would actually act on them. Through rough times your bound to think. But I am not going to give up good and meaningful friendships because they are with people of the opposite sex. I can't even tell you all of things I have learned just because i have had male friends. I mean for god sakes most of the time men are easier to get along with than women. Hense the fact that I only have a handfull of female friends that I feel I can trust. I'm not a person that has billions of people that I consider friends or worth while to be around. Because I'm a quality above quanity type person. So I guess you could say that if I hang around you I must think your pretty awesome because I don't enjoy having mindless friendships where neither party ever gets anything out of so I don't have them.
But I'll say one last time. I will not cheat on someone I love. I may have had doubts about myself. But when the chips are down I am above doing something like that that could inflict that much pain on someone that I love or that loves me.
12 comments:
And I also "get" that Ben's dad is just looking out for his son. But considering how well he knows me and how open I am with talking to them about things it is a slap in face so don't give me any of that shit.
I don't know Ben's dad, I don't know what he's like. But I know exactly what my dad would do in a situation like this. He'd confront me about it. Like it or not, if Ben's dad is in any way suspicious, he's more than likely not going to A. sit back and watch his son get hurt, or B. take you aside and patiently ask you about your feelings on the coming wedding. He's going to go to Ben and ask about it.
I am going to give you that shit, because it doesn't matter how well they know you, Ben is his SON, and in that respect, Ben's dad is being A DAD. Think about it. If Karissa's mom heard about me hanging out a lot with a chick who listens to all my problems, she'd be asking about it.
But you say flat out that you would not cheat on Ben. Good girl. All you can do is assure him and/or his dad, and after that it's no longer Dad's business. The trust should already be there for you and Ben, so Ben should back you up on this.
Like how I switched sides there?
I'm not trying to rag on you, I know this has to suck to deal with.
But if you didn't cheat and will not cheat, tell his dad. If he still doesn't believe you, fuck him. You've got nothing to prove. Does that mean the wedding's off? No. Will Ben leave you because of his dad's opinion? I hope not.
There you go. Black, white, sans grey.
I don't blame you for feeling hurt by what Ben's dad said. If Doug's dad said that about me I'd be crushed. At the same time I don't blame him for saying or thinking that.
If Doug was in a different town and started hanging out with another chick all the time I would wonder what's going on. Especially if he had a crush on her, even if it was just for a week. I'm not saying that I think you are being unfaithful to Ben, because I don't, but I can see why his dad would question your relationship with Dave.
I also agree that men are easier to hang around with than women. It's hard to find chick friends who don't annoy the crap out of you, so I don't blame you for hanging out with a guy.
I think it's normal to have doubts when you are going to marry someone. I mean marriage isn't a little thing, so you should question everything to make sure that you don't have any questions after the marriage. If you get married without having had some doubts and think life is going to be a fairytale then that person is not taking it serious. So I think you should keep questioning yourself just to make sure you always get the right answer I guess.
After everything I just ranted about it basically just comes down to you and Ben. As long as he's ok with your relationship with Dave then anyone else's opinion doesn't matter. I'm sure Ben knows you well enough that he knows you would never do that to him. I've only known you for what...less than a year, and I believe you would never hurt Ben in that way.
I hope you and Ben figure this out and are able to move past it. Besides if there's anyone Ben's dad should be worried about it's you and Doug...not Dave...:P
Does no one else have anything to say?
I gave her my two cents in person. But here ya go for your entertainment: I believe Amber when she says she hasn't cheated and will not cheat. I know Amber loves Ben, and for those of you who have never met Ben, he is a great guy. Fun, Stable, sensable and smart. Why would she do anything to jeopordize that?! I think that Ben's dad wsa doing what he thought was right when he told Ben his concerns, and I don't blame Ben for being curious and checking into his dads.... allegations, but I can see how Amber could be hurt by their lack of trust. When Amber moves back to GF and they live together again, all this will just be a silly story from long ago when they celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.
That's kind of funny, we all basically said the same thing!
we are like brothers!!
post please
So, were the responses anything like you expected to get?
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